He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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