there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize