he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
