So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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