my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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