we have officially lost it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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