Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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