just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
