i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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