Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
