yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
