Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Small penises have feelings too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
