How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
