dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
