Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
