You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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