Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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