the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
