but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
