I CAN MOONWALK!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
