she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
