we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize