gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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