i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize