I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
