In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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