the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
