just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
