Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
