I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
