dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize