I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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