I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
