You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
