she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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