I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
