I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I could make wine with my vomit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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