If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
