His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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