Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
