I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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