He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
