Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize