yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
