ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
