Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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