Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
