We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
