My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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