I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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