so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize