I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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