You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
