the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
