I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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