I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
