I puked a lego.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
