Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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