The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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