I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
what is it with giant penises always finding me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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