when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
