So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize