JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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